Ether 12:27 One of my favorite scriptures

This is more of a diary kind of post than anything else. Consider yourself forewarned.

I hate not being able to convey what I am really feeling. I lack the words to express my thoughts and in so doing, annoy or frustrate those people close to me. Which frustrates me because they aren't understanding my feelings and I hate, hate, hate when people are mad or annoyed with me. Shouldn't people just GET what I am saying and why I feel that way? I feel like I'm failing when they don't, which only fuels my frustration. It turns normal conversations into arguments.

My feelings are honest. I am not making them up. So why is it so hard to communicate that without having the other people lose their patience with me? I am trying very hard to share my feelings and communicate with my family and close friends. That isn't something that I am great at. I can listen well and can give some great advice to others, but putting that into practice in my own life has proved difficult.

I get hurt easily. I wish I had a thick skin, but I don't. Especially when it comes to those I really care about. Pretending I am not hurt comes more easily than not being hurt, so the majority of the time I pretend to shrug it off while inside I am wanting to hide myself in a bathroom to cry. Reminds me of Elder Bednar's talk about taking offense. We have that choice, and we shouldn't take offense (this is where Chrys says, "because it isn't your fence to take.") But how do we change the feelings that naturally come to us?

Ether 12:27
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

I'm not perfect and my emotions are not either. I have a long way to go on them. I need people to have patience with me. But as I am constantly reminded, how far am I going to test that patience? Everyone has a limit. I know that Heavenly Father places certain people in our lives and that we are blessed with our family for a reason. We can help each other grow. I need to have patience with myself and not expect a change overnight. I need to be more humble. I need to have more faith.

You can't say I didn't warn you.