Friday, January 7, 2011

Journal Entry- you have been warned.

I would like to start off by saying my family has done 90% of the wedding preparations. Because of them I am able to sit back some nights and just relax... not thinking of the long list of things I need to do. They are wonderful and if it wasn't for them and all their help, I would have opted for a Vegas wedding (temple of course!) a month ago.

I have always heard that the closer you get to the wedding, the more temptation you have. I always assumed (and still believe they meant) other temptations...if you get my drift. My greatest temptation the past couple weeks doesn't fall in that category (Though Travis is as handsome and attractive as all get out!), rather it comes in a box labeled "self-doubt". Not in my decision to get married to Travis, he is my wonderful blessing. It comes tempting me to believe I am less than what he should be getting, wishing I could give him more than the weak person I am. Adding fuel to the embers is the fact his beautiful, former love interest is coming into town for a few days and he's going to be hanging out with her by himself because I have to work. Ugh.

I know where these feelings are coming from and I'm trying hard to rise above them. The natural man is a beast and Satan knows just where he can bruise me.

“The second key to an adequate self-esteem is humility. I do not mean the breast-beating, sackcloth-and-ashes kind of humility. I mean the humility that comes with inner strength and peace. It is the humility that allows us to accept and live with our own warts, without cosmetics to hide them.”

James E. Faust, “The Value of Self-Esteem,” CES fireside for young adults, May 6, 2007

Life is good and I can't express how excited I am for the wedding without using at least 15 O's behind an S.

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4 comments:

  1. Grammy RaeJanuary 7, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    I'm impressed with how well you are naming those fears. That probably is the first step to dealing efficiently with them. I love you!!

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  2. Tonya C.January 8, 2011 at 12:54 AM

    Ahhh, Lindsea, you are so normal!! I love your honesty. I still wonder if I am good enough for Blake or enough of what he needs. I think feeling that way helps us strive to be our best. That also means you hold Travis in high esteem which is crucial to a good relationship.

    Travis chose *you* instead of the former love interest which means you have something very valuable to offer him. He's taken his time to know what/who he truly wants. You are an amazing person and Travis is lucky to have *you*!

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  3. Grappy DaleJanuary 8, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    Don't get all worked up over Travis. I'm sure your Mom was worried she wasn't worthy of me and now look at her. Even tho she was wrong then she still keeps me around.

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  4. ShannonJanuary 9, 2011 at 4:53 PM

    I think one of the secrets to a happy marriage is both partners thinking they are the lucky one! :) You are s+15 o's blessed to have found each other.

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